Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Somebody's Got to Be The Hero.
I've even put unrealistic expectations on my family life. I have felt so often that my family fell short of what a perfect family ought to be. I've felt so many times that I should just give up on my family because they are too messy and problematic to deal with. I am finally learning that many of my relationship problems stem from my own unwillingness to accept the people I am close to as imperfect people.
If my mom were not so quick to jump the gun, if Gary would stay out of my business, if my dad wasn't so immature, if my sister wasn't so stingy, if my brother didn't have a bad attitude, if Jacob didn't hang up on me, if Brenna wasn't such a workaholic, if Hannah wasn't so moody about her sleep, WE WOULD ALL GET ALONG JUST FINE. I find myself with thoughts like these all too often. And too often, after an argument, I have been willing to throw relationships out the door, regardless of how important they are to me; all because they are not "perfect".
I find also that some of my relationship problems stem from my own unwillingness to accept myself as an imperfect person. When I am in the midst of conflict, I, like most people, tend to view myself as the victim. All wrongdoings are justified because the other parties were "more wrong", and no apologies can be made until they are received. I was talking to a friend today who told me, "Pride is crap. In every conflict someone has to be the hero" (she got this from Dr. Phil =P hehe). These words really ring tue with me. Humility, like love, is something that I have always thought of as a weakness and am just now learning to perceive as a strength. It makes sense that being humble is the "strong" thing to do, since it is so incredibly difficult.
Something else I would like to point out about relationships goes back to the first point I made about our expectations for relationships. I like to think that my relationships (especially one special relationship) will fulfill me. I look to one or a few people to make me feel "whole". Their opinions mean the world to me. Their acceptance means even more. If I am in any way slighted or rejected by one of those close to me, I feel like an incomplete person. This is something I have to work on. One thing that is detrimental to relationships is putting undue pressure on them. When you look to another person to fulfill you, you are certain to end up disappointed. People are just people. People get tired. People get sick. People get moody/cranky. People often come from backgrounds that are much different from your own. Some people are broken. People WILL disappoint you. When your fulfillment comes from something within (God, creative fulfillment, or even just self-acceptance), good relationships are easier to have, and really just the icing on the cake.
In short, the point I am getting at is that relationships are so valuable. They are priceless in fact. They are not worth throwing away because of imperfection. I'd like to add that this does not apply to abusive relationships. If a situation is unsafe, you need to get away from it; however, I would advise everyone who reads this blog not to treat relationships as if they were disposable. Don't take the easy way out and throw something precious. It's not worth it.