I just literally sat at my kitchen table and sobbed for the past fifteen minutes. Before you start asking what's wrong with me though, I will go ahead and tell you that I was sobbing tears of joy...I was crying the way that people only really cry when they realize how very much God has done for them, and are completely moved to the point that words are inadequate.
I have a few old love letters from my husband (from back when we were dating/long distance) saved on my computer. I saved them just for memory's sake, but this morning I decided to go over them and read them for the first time since I got them. Now when I first got this particular letter, I read it with skeptical eyes. Jacob and I had been together for about 2 months at the time, and the letter was filled with romance and promises and a lot of intensity. I remember when I read it I was not as much moved by them as I was overwhelmed by his intensity. I remember not really knowing how to reply to them. At the time I thought it was just my personality to be aloof like that...to be skeptical and unreceptive of love. However, when I re-read the letter this morning, I began to almost immediately cry. Every promise he had mentioned in the letter, he has fulfilled. When he promised he would stick it out through the hard times and would not let go of me no matter what life threw at us? He meant it. When he promised to be there for me when I was hurt? He meant it. When he told me he wanted to be there to hold me when I was wrinkled? Well, I'm not exactly wrinkled, but I know he will still be with me when I am.
As strange as it may sound, just reading that letter again helped me to see how God has used Jacob to change me, and what a gift Jacob is to me. When I first read that letter, I was unreceptive. Two years later I am not only moved by his words, but I can see how he's fulfilled them. And I can see a change in me. Two years ago, I thought it was my "personality" to be unreceptive to love...I thought it was normal that it made me uncomfortable for someone to love me so much. Jacob has taught me how to be receptive of love by giving his love to me relentlessly. God used Jacob to show me His own love. I realized that this morning as I was reading, and that is what moved me to tears.
This blog is not just about my husband, as wonderful as he is and as much as I adore him and am so, so thankful for his impact on my life - it is also about God's good gifts, and His willingness to give them to His children. Jacob, as I've said before, is God's best gift to me. I can't thank Him enough.